A World of Tests

The beginning of the great journey of Avraham is leaving the atmosphere familiar to him, leaving his area of activity, from the same place where his name was already known.  Of course Hashem promised him that he would make his name great, increase his possessions, and even merit him with a son, however despite all of this, many times people forego their journey because of considerations of comfort or because of fear of a loss.

Harav Israel Asulin

Wednesday, 8th of MarCheshvan, 5776

BS”D

The book Shevet Yehudah tells about a family who had been expelled from Spain during the Spanish Inquisition.  They lost all of their possessions and sailed into exile so as not to be forced to give up their religion.  The captain let them off on the shores of Morocco, near the dry desert.  They began walking in order to find a town.  The sun was beating down, their mouths were dry with thirst, and the mother of the family fainted and died.  The husband continued with his two sons, carrying them in his two hands until he collapsed while carrying them.  When he woke up he found that his two sons had died.  He was left alone in the world.  He lifted his eyes to heaven and said from within his sorrow: “Master of the world, the Satan tried everything he could to shake my faith, but nothing will help him: against his will, I am a Jew and I will remain a Jew.”

“Our forefather Avraham was tested with ten trials, and he withstood them all” (Ethics of our Fathers, Chapter 5, 4^th Mishna)

Our forefather Avraham went through a process of ten trials.

The purpose of the tests, at their root, is to cause us to deal with them.

Facing the challenge causes us, assuming that we succeed in it, to be uplifted (in truth, even when we don’t succeed, and it seems we are far from the goal, Rebbe Nachman explains that even when it seems that we are being shown distance from above, it is in reality bringing us closer, maybe it is a temporary distancing, however the distance challenges us to try to succeed next time).

The ascent comes from the same place where we bring out the strengths inside of us, the same strengths which we don’t use on a daily basis, and maybe we are not even aware of their existence.  Using these strengths obligates us to overcome the same blocks which prevent us from realizing our vision.  We have a tradition that a person is not tested from heaven with a test which he can’t withstand, because that is the purpose of the test, (test is) from the language of נס- a flag- to uplift the person.

The Ramban[1] comments (Genesis, Chapter 22): “God tested Avraham.  The matter of a test is in my opinion, since the actions of a person are completely in his hands, if he wants to do something he does it, and if not he doesn’t do it.  It is called a test for the one being tested, but the one testing him, blessed be he, wants the person to actualize his potential, to receive reward for a good act and not just reward for a good heart.  You should know that ‘Hashem the righteous one He examines’ (Psalms, Chapter 11, Verse 5), when he knows that a tsaddik[2] will do His will and Hashem wants to raise him up, he will bring upon him a test, and he won’t examine the wicked ones who won’t listen to him.  We find that all of the tests in the Torah are for the good of the one who is tested.”

We’ll mention now some of the tests which Avraham our forefather went through and what we can learn from them.

The first test: “Go for yourself from your land” (Genesis, Chapter 12, Verse 1)

The beginning of the great journey of Avraham is leaving the atmosphere familiar to him, leaving his area of activity, from the same place where his name was already known.  Of course Hashem promised him that he would make his name great, increase his possessions, and even merit him with a son, however despite all of this, many times people forego their journey because of considerations of comfort or because of fear of a loss.

At this point Avraham is not required to change his essence, rather to begin acting- leaving his place and going to a different one.  Avraham our forefather is revealed as a person who in order to find the truth in the root of his soul, in order to realize his vision, is willing to go out into the unknown (“to the land that I will show you”- He doesn’t tell him which land).  Avraham gave to all of us, his children, this power to go until the end of the world in order to find our internal essence.

The second test: Descending to Egypt because of the famine- “There was famine in the land” (Genesis, Chapter 12, Verse 10)

The second test of Avraham expresses itself in stumbling blocks which distance him from his goal.  It is true that there are many good people who don’t even begin the process and remain in their comfort zone.  However, the beginning is not everything- many times people begin to make a change with faith and a lot of energy, but the moment they reach the first stumbling block, they break and become despaired.

This is the meaning of the descent to Egypt- a narrow place.  After the first feeling of euphoria evaporates and a man begins to face the difficulties of the change he wants to make, he is in danger of losing all his strength, and the doubts could eat up all of the energy that he started the journey with.  Avraham doesn’t despair, he descends to Egypt.

In the end he ascends from Egypt with great wealth- not just physical, but also spiritual strength, with the ability to overcome all of the road blocks on his journey.

Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzato[3] writes (The Path of the Just, Chapter 1) that the main reality of a person in this world is to fulfill the commandments and to serve Hashem and to withstand the test, and the holy Baal Shem Tov[4] said “this world is the world of the test”.

May it be His will not to

[1] One of the great Rabbis and Torah commentators, lived between 1194-1270

[2] Righteous person

[3] A great Rabbi and kabbalist who lived in Italy in the 1700s

[4] The founder of the Chassidic movement

My Tsaddik[1]

At the time that the American inventor Thomas Alva Edison labored over inventing the electric light bulb, (incandescent lamp) he ran into a difficult problem.  Despite the best of his efforts he had still not been able to reveal the correct material to use for the conducting wire inside of the bulb.  He tried different types of materials with no success.  The light bulb refused to ignite.

Harav Israel Asulin

Monday, 29th of Tishrei, 5776

BS”D

At the time that the American inventor Thomas Alva Edison labored over inventing the electric lightbulb, (incandescent lamp) he ran into a difficult problem.  Despite the best of his efforts he had still not been able to reveal the correct material to use for the conducting wire inside of the bulb.  He tried different types of materials with no success.  The lightbulb refused to ignite.

A different person would have thrown his hands in the air and moved on to a different and more promising invention, but Edison refused to give up.  He went back to the work table, installed a new conducting wire, and tried it over and over.  In the end, after 600 failed attempts (!!!), he succeeded in discovering the correct material, and there was light.  The electric lightbulb was revealed.

After some time a young journalist met him and asked him to reveal the secret of his success: “After so many failures how did you not give up?  What gave you the strength to persevere in your efforts after so many disappointments?”  Edison looked him in the eyes and answered: “The answer is very simple.  I never failed.  Every time I learned a new way how not to light an electric light bulb…”

***

“These are the offspring of Noah- Noah was a righteous man…” (Bereshit[2] Chapter 6, Verse 9)

Who is a tsaddik?

In contrast to the accepted viewpoint, a tsaddik is not someone who’s never failed in anything, fulfills all of the 613 mitzvahs with exalted closeness to God, learns every day, engages in acts of kindness etc., in short a Tsaddik!!  That might be called a chasid[3] in the language of the Sages, but not a tsaddik.  So what is a tsaddik?

“The beginning of coming closer is going farther away, as the Sages said- someone who wants to be a tsaddik here below, they bring upon him judgments from above.” (Likutei Moharan, Torah 74, Part 1)

Rebbe Nachman tells us here and in many additional places that the beginning of coming closer is going farther away.  A person who wants to come closer to Hashem, in the beginning he is shown distance, why?  What is the logic in this intentional distancing?  Seemingly the approach should be the opposite, he is invited to come closer?!

Any person who engages in the work of healing his soul must know that part of internal work is to go through those difficult places, where he doesn’t understand anything and there is difficulty and pain in the soul, what is called “narrow understanding” in Rebbe Nachman’s language.  Without this it is impossible to heal the soul; without going through these places you cannot reveal from within yourself the internal strengths which were hidden inside.  This is the process which allows you to let go of being stuck where you are, and open up to the new internal inspiration which is hidden inside of you.

The failure is unavoidable.  It’s not pleasant to hear, but that is the reality.  Sooner or later we will all fail.  Therefore the question is not if we will fail, rather how we will fail.  One of the most important gifts that a person can give to himself or to his children is to acquire the art of failure, or in other words, learning how to fail in a smart way.  It should be known- sometimes a successful failure is worth more than a success, and the true ‘loser’ is the one who doesn’t know how to fail correctly.

It turns out that the fear of failure is not a new phenomenon.  Its days are like the days of the world.  Already thousands of years ago King Solomon realized that this is one of the main stumbling blocks in the path of someone who strives to have excellent values and spiritual growth.  Let’s see the words that the wisest of all men wrote in the book of Proverbs (Chapter 24, Verse 16):  “For though the righteous one may fall seven times, he will arise, but the wicked ones will stumble through evil.”

Three revolutionary understandings can be found in this short verse.

1. Firstly, King Solomon enlightens us, also a tsaddik is made to fall. There are those who reason that a tsaddik is a person who comes to the world already perfect and complete, like someone who is born with a silver spoon of continuous spiritual success, and since then the only thing in his world is conquering new spiritual heights one after the other.  It’s enough to look briefly in the mirror to know that we are not like the tsaddik.  We know well declines and falling, disappointments and frustration.  Does this mean that we don’t have any chance to join the club of the tsaddikim?  The answer, says King Solomon, is that also the tsaddik went on the same path.  He was also tried in the same way.  There is still hope, we are in good company.

2. If the tsaddik also experiences downfalls, what is the key to his special greatness? The answer to this can be found in the difference between the reaction of a wicked person and a righteous person.  The tsaddik falls down and get backs up, the wicked one ‘stumbles in evil’.  The true failure is not in the decline itself, rather in what happens afterwards.  In contrast to many others, when the tsaddik falls down he doesn’t despair, he doesn’t raise up his hands, and he doesn’t wave a white flag.  He arises, shakes off the dust which is stuck to his clothes and continues onward with more strength and determination.  The tsaddik is not afraid to be tested by another failure.  He clings to his goal.  He knows that success is not certain, but he must make the effort.  In his heart he has humility, and he understands that ‘a person will not fulfill the words of the Torah unless he fails in them.’ (Talmud, Gittin, Page 43)

3. There is also an additional insight, amazing and revolutionary, which is also hidden in this verse. King Solomon reveals to us a little bit of what happens ‘behind the curtains’ in the soul of the tsaddik.  He reveals to us that getting up from the falls is what built the personality of the tsaddik.  If he had not fallen and gotten up- he would not have become a tsaddik.  The essence of his getting up is in the seven times of falling that he went through.  From every stumble he learned lessons.  Every decline taught him which approach is not correct and from what does he need to be wary of in the future.  Every time he started over made him stronger.  Every time he overcame it added a new level to his spiritual standing.  From fall to fall and from each arising his strength grew until he became what he is today.

In closing, it is worthwhile to bring the following letter written by Rabbi Yitzchak Hutner[4].

My beloved friend, peace and blessings!

Your letter has reached me, and your words have touched my heart.

You should know beloved friend that the essence of your letter opposes all of the descriptions which are found in it.  Now I will explain to you the content of this sentence.

We have a bad sickness that when we involve ourselves in the aspects of completeness in our great leaders, we are dealing with the final summary of their greatness.  We tell of the ways of their completeness, while at the same time we skip over the internal struggle which took place in their soul.

Your impression of the great Rabbis seems to be that they came out from under the hand of the Creator with their standing and character complete.  Everyone speaks of, is impressed by and thinks that the purity of tongue of the Chafetz Chaim[5] ztz”l is something incredible, but who knows all of the battles, struggles, failures, falls and declines that the Chafetz Chaim encountered on his path with the Evil Inclination- one example out of thousands.  That’s enough for a wise man such as yourself to learn from this one story the general principle.

The result of this outlook is that when a young man with spirituality, aspirations and energy finds in his life stumbling blocks, downfalls and difficulties, he seems in his own eyes to not be “planted in the house of Hashem.” (Psalms, Chapter 92)  According to the imagination of this youth, to be ‘planted in the house of Hashem’ means to sit peacefully in lush meadows with peaceful waters and enjoy his Good Inclination, just as the tsaddikim enjoy the light of God’s presence while sitting with crowns on their heads in the Garden of Eden.  However, you should know dear friend that the source of your soul is not the tranquility of your Good Inclination, rather specifically the war that the Good Inclination fights.  Your precious and warm letter testifies like a hundred witnesses that surely you are a true warrior in the army of the Good Inclination.

There is an expression- lose a battle, but win the war.  Of course you fail and stand to fail again (you don’t have to worry that this will give an opening to the evil forces), and in several battles you will be robbed.  I promise you, however, that after every lost battle you will come out of the war with a flower bouquet on your head with the fresh kill struggling in between your teeth.

The wisest of all men said “for though the righteous one may fall seven times, he will arise”, and the ignorant ones think that his intention is to say: even though the tsaddik will fall seven times, nevertheless he will get up.  However the wise ones know well that his intention is that the essence of the rise of the tsaddik is the seven times he falls.  “And God saw all that he had made, and behold it was very good.” (Genesis, Chapter 1, Verse 31).  ‘Good’ is the good inclination, and ‘very’ is the evil inclination.

My dear friend, I press you to my heart and whisper in your ear, that if your letter told me about the mitzvot and good deeds you have done, I would say that I received from you a good letter.  Now that your letter tells of declines and downfalls and stumbles, I say to you that I’ve received from you a very good letter.  Your spirit is raging towards the aspiration to be great.  Please, don’t paint for yourself a picture in your soul that the greatness of the great Sages is that they and their good inclinations are one and the same.  In contrast, paint for yourself a picture that the greatness of the great Sages is the terrible war they wage with all of the lowliest inclinations.  At the time that you feel inside of you that the evil inclination is raging, you should know that in this you are like the great ones, much more so than when you are in the complete rest that you want for yourself.  Specifically in those places where you find yourself in the greatest falls, there you stand to be a vessel for the glory of Heaven.

I join in your suffering, I’m confident in your victory, and pray for your success.

Yitzchak Hutner

In other words, the failures are not just something bothersome that we need to overcome.  They are the stages which create the ladder of success of the tsaddik.  The failure itself includes in it the seeds of success.

[1] A righteous person

[2] Genesis

[3] A pious person

[4] Former head of Yeshiva Rabbi Chaim Berlin in Brooklyn, NY. 1906-1980

[5] A renowned Rabbi and righteous man who lived about 100 years ago in Poland

The True Self

However, there are those who don’t know the fundamental point.  They think like the ignorant- that the horse and its rider are one monster, and when you teach them to rein in the animal, they see it as a personal insult, because in their understanding they and the animal are one, and this causes them to rebel…

Harav Israel Asulin

Wednesday, 24th of Tishrei, 5776

BS”D

When the Spanish arrived in South America they came with several hundred soldiers in three ships, disconnected from their homeland and with a limited food supply.  Facing them was the great Inca Empire, with a united army ready for battle, thousands of brave fighters defending their land, and with an unlimited amount of food and supplies.  How did the invading army, with a paltry and limited force defeat them?  The invaders brought with them horses and rode them when they went out to battle… the Incas had never seen such a phenomenon, they didn’t know that you could train horses for riding.  When they saw them riding on horses they assumed that it was a type of monster that came from somewhere far away:  a monster with four legs and two heads, one with the neck and head of an animal and behind it human arms and a head holding in its hand a stick which fires- who could stand up against these monsters?  They became weakened and were defeated.

Then, to their dismay, the monster was split in half and it became clear that it was only a human riding on an animal.  However by the time they discovered this it was too late.

What are these words referring to?

***

In the story of creation, at the end of each day (except for the second day of creation), Hashem testifies about his creation: “And God saw that it was good.” (Bereshit[1] Chapter 1)  Afterwards when Hashem finished creating the world, a general testimony is written about all of the creation, that everything that God created is “very good”, in the language of the verse.  If so, God himself testifies that the creation is good.

However, if creation is good, where is the root of evil?  What is its source?  Where does it begin from?

It is brought in the book Nefesh HaChaim by Rabbi Chaim of Volozhin of blessed memory, that even before the sin of the first man[2] evil existed in the world, but it was outside of man; after the sin of the first man evil entered inside of him.  In the beginning evil was not identified with “me”, something found outside of a person is not himself (like the chair which is external to the person, it is not himself).  When the first man sinned the bad entered into him.  The entrance of the evil inside of him is not just a change of place of where the evil is located, rather the deep meaning of this is that in the beginning the evil was like something foreign to man, and after man sin he identified himself as part of the evil.  This is the depth of the sin- that a person identifies the bad as part of himself!

For every sin the mitzvah of teshuvah[3] was given: “And you will return unto Hashem, your God…” (Devarim[4], Chapter 30).  To where does someone need to return?  To the original understanding which proceeded the sin, the original outlook is that the evil is not me, I am only good!

The source of these words is in the depths of the deepest teachings of the Torah (the Kabbalah), and on the other hand they penetrate into Jewish law: ‘One who is present at the time that a soul leaves a person (death), has to rip his shirt.  To what is this likened to? To a Torah scroll being burned’.  The Tosfot[5] explain: ‘This means that the law is speaking even about a person who is not religious!’  Every Jew is like a Torah scroll!

I will sing to my God while I exist (Azamra)

Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, may his merit protect us, was the “the source of wisdom is like a flowing stream” (Proverbs, Chapter 18, verse 4) and the wellsprings of his teachings flow constantly.  From amongst all of his teachings Rebbe Natan[6] of blessed memory wrote in his letters: “If we had only heard from him the teaching ‘I will sing to my God while I exist’, that would have been enough, because it has in it enough to revitalize us all the days of our life, and to merit by it to eternal life forever.”  He wrote further: “If we had only come to the world in order to hear the teaching ‘Azamra’, that would be enough!  Praise to God, we don’t need to be ashamed to mention this awesome teaching of Azamra thousands of times a day, because it is our life!”

What is this amazing teaching?

Rebbe Nachman explains in Likutei Moharan[7] (First part, Torah 282) that when a person is very low in his own eyes and sees that he doesn’t have any good and that he is full of sins, the evil inclination wants to knock him down because of this to sadness and depression, God forbid; the advice in this situation is to say to himself: this is all true, but do I not have any good points, it can’t be that I haven’t also done a good deed and a mitzvah.  A person should know that this good point is very important and precious before God.  When a person contemplates this than the verse “and just a little bit more” (Psalms, Chapter 37) will be fulfilled in him; through seeing his good deeds then the continuation of the verse will be fulfilled, “and there will be no wicked one”.

At the end of the teaching it is written in parenthesis: “And Rabbenu z”l (Rebbe Nachman) warned us very much to walk with this teaching, because it is a great and fundamental teaching for whoever wants to come close to Hashem and to not lose his world completely, God forbid.  Because most people who are far from Hashem the main reason for this is because of depression and sadness, because they fall down in their minds when they see in themselves how much they have messed up… and the majority fall completely into despair… therefore a person needs to strengthen himself very much to walk with this teaching, to search for and request in himself good points, and through this he will merit to strengthen himself and truly return to God.”

These words are incredible, but they cause wonderment- what gives me so much strength that I have some good points, I am still filled with a lot of bad?  However, the depth of Rebbe Nachman’s words is that the good is me; that is my soul.  The bad is external and not connected to me.  When a person identifies himself with the good he does not want to be connected to the evil, and that is what it means “and just a little bit more and there will be no wicked one.”

***

We’ll finish from where we started.

In reality that is how a man is, a man who rides on the animal and guides it.  Contemplation and inner work give a person control over the animal to teach him to ride the correct way, hold the reins and guide the way.  If we know this then we will be yearning to listen.  Who would not want to ride better and reach the destination faster and safer?

However, there are those who don’t know the fundamental point.  They think like the ignorant- that the horse and its rider are one monster, and when you teach them to rein in the animal, they see it as a personal insult, because in their understanding they and the animal are one, and this causes them to rebel…

[1] Genesis

[2] When Adam and Eve ate from the tree of knowledge

[3] Repentance

[4] Deuteronomy

[5] The leading Torah scholars in Germany and France in the Medieval Era.

[6] Rebbe Nachman’s main student

[7] The main collection of Rebbe Nachman’s teachings

With the Shepherd

Have you heard that the most real thing in the world is that in whatever place you find yourself, in whatever you go through, Hashem is with you.  Close.  Connected.  Loving.  It doesn’t matter how much you are crooked and confused, Hashem is still with you?!

Harav Israel Asulin

Wednesday, 25th of Elul, 5775

BS”D

Have you heard that the most real thing in the world is that in whatever place you find yourself, in whatever you go through, Hashem is with you.  Close.  Connected.  Loving.  It doesn’t matter how much you are crooked and confused, Hashem is still with you?!

Do you want this real truth to penetrate inside of you and give you life also in dark times, like the ones where you scratch the darkness with your fingernails, and you feel far and disconnected and guilty and disappointed?

The first verse in this week’s Torah portion says: “You are standing today, all of you, before Hashem, your God…” (Devarim[1], Chapter 29, Verse 9)  “You”, explains Rebbe Natan in Likutei Halachot[2], relates to every Jew, “are standing” this is the aspect of the place where they are standing, and “today” is the aspect of time.  Every Jew, in every place, and in every time is “before Hashem, your God”.  Every Jew, in any place and at any time, can cling to Hashem.

Does this sound unrealistic?  A little bit.

In the synagogue, at the Neilah[3] prayer for example, or when the shofar is blown on Rosh Hashanah, it is possible to try to cling to Hashem.  There are special people who went through terror attacks or some type of difficult incident, and succeeded in reaching a heavenly illumination and tremendous attachment to the Creator.

However, every Jew, in any place, at any time can reach true attachment, how?

Rebbe Natan says in Likutei Halachot, “Before Rosh Hashanah we read the Torah portion ‘You are standing today, all of you, before Hashem, your God…’, to let us know that all the souls of the Jewish people, great and small, need to gather together in love in the lofty holiness, in the aspect of the holy of holies, the foundation stone[4], the universal knowledge, who is the aspect of Moses, the aspect of the True Tsaddik, everyone needs to travel to him for Rosh Hashanah.” (Likutei Halachot, the laws of deposits and the four types of guards, 5^th Halacha)

Rosh Hashanah is getting closer.  In kitchens, mothers are working diligently preparing tasty dishes and separating the pomegranate seeds; synagogues are preparing for the holiday prayers and for receiving the many prayer goers; in pre-schools children are singing about the three books which are opened and how everyone is waiting for the Day of Judgment…

In the field, tens of thousands of sheep, of all types of colors, sizes and categories, catch the signal and hear the call of the shepherd of the souls, and pack their suitcases- and take off.

Uman Rosh Hashanah.

The holy of holies.

Thousands of sounds and melodies.

The universal knowledge which includes everything.

Much has been said about the great gathering which has no rival.  Many pictures, many descriptions, many explanations.  However mainly, there is new life and renewal, which is above and beyond words.  Whoever was there understands.

“And by gathering together by the foundation stone, the universal knowledge, we merit each and every one of us to renew his intellect, until he can sweeten all kinds of strict judgments and difficult situations.  From there (from the gathering with the Tsaddik) a sweetening is brought to each and every one in his place and in his time, each person should according to his level, in his place and his home, or on the way wherever he is, according to how he is at that moment, he should know very well that at that moment he can attach himself to Hashem from his place.  From all of the blemishes and confusions and crookedness in the heart that he is going through, each person according to his place and time; everything is sweetened and nullified by the lofty universal knowledge mentioned above.”

There is a way to be truly alive.  There is a way to sweetened also the darkness.  You can live here in this world at the end of 5775- and the beginning of 5776, and succeed in smiling from amongst the emotional jungle and the technological terror surrounding us.  You can feel that there is a thick rope which is holding us also in the lowest depths.  These are not handcuffs; it is a life rope filled with hugs!

It’s possible.  There is a way.  There is a shepherd.  There is Uman Rosh Hashanah…

By way of including ourselves in the foundation stone, Rebbe Natan says, a tremendous sweetening is brought upon us!  Everyone should know, according to who he is, where he is, at whatever time- that right now, he is wanted and loved and can cling to Hashem with true attachment.

[1] Deuteronomy

[2] Rebbe Natan’s explanation of the Code of Jewish law, based upon the teachings of Rebbe Nachman

[3] The final prayer of Yom Kippur

[4] In our tradition, this is the stone that Jacob rested upon when he had a dream on the Temple Mount; in the First Temple, the Ark of the Covenant was placed upon this stone. Here, Rebbe Natan is referring to Rebbe Nachman.

Abba, Renew Me

Our most difficult problem in all areas of life; between ourselves, between us and Hashem and between us and our surroundings is feeling old.

Do you recognize this feeling?

Harav Israel Asulin

Sunday, 15th of Elul, 5775

BS”D

Our most difficult problem in all areas of life; between ourselves, between us and Hashem and between us and our surroundings is feeling old.

Do you recognize this feeling?

It is like a wrinkled elderly woman in a wheel chair; a tired old lady with a hunchback; a woman with a husky voice from age, like she’s finished.

Every place we go she comes with us.  She forces us to limp according to her pace.  She already knows everything.

‘You want to work on your desire to overeat?  You make me laugh.  Listen to someone who has experience!  I already know you from when you were in the crib.  You know how you would gluttonously eat 180 grams each hour?!  Do you remember yesterday?  You promised that you would stop eating chocolate, and after 20 minutes you broke down and finished a whole bar… and this morning… should I remind you what happened with the quiche?  No, really, you want to work on overeating?  Forget about it, there’s nothing to talk about!  I know what I’m saying to you, I have documentation and a certificate…’

What do we do with this sorceress?  How do we manage against her?

This week’s Torah portion, Ki Tavo, opens with the mitzvah of the first fruits:  “It will be when you enter the Land… that you shall take of the first of every fruit of the ground… and you shall put it in a basket… You shall come to whoever will be the Kohen… Then you shall call out and say before Hashem, your God, ‘an Aramean tried to destroy my forefather… And now, behold! I have brought the first fruit of the ground that You have given me’…” (Devarim[1], Chapter 26, Verses 1-10)

The mitzvah of bringing the first fruits is a positive commandment that land owners in the Land of Israel are commanded to fulfill.  They need to bring to the Temple the first fruits which grew on their land, and give them to the Kohen.

In Likutei Halachot[2], Rebbe Natan says that the first fruits are the aspect of renewal and new beginnings:  “The first fruits are the aspect of renewal.  Land owners need to bring their new ripened fruits, which grow anew every year, immediately to the house of God… The main obligation of bringing the first fruits alludes to renewal, that a person needs to renew himself each time and to begin again every time… and this is what is written ‘In the beginning’[3] etc., and the Sages explained that because of the first fruits which are called ‘the first’ the world was created… that the main reason for creating the heavens and the earth was for the beginning, that is to say that a person should start anew every time, as if today is his beginning, because that is the main rectification of the worlds…” (Likutei Halachot Yoreh Deah, Laws of Meat and Milk, 4^th law)

This subject of renewal and beginnings is a subject which appears a lot in Breslov teachings.  Rebbe Nachman speaks endlessly about starting from the beginning and that everything comes from how something is begun.  Here Rebbe Natan emphasizes that renewal is not just a recommendation or a psychological tactic to trick the evil inclination; renewal is the purpose of the world.  For the ‘beginning’ the world was created!

Let’s try to understand, what does it mean to renew yourself?

To be renewed is like being born again.  From the moment that I have made teshuva[4], from the moment that I asked forgiveness for the past, and if I sinned against another person- then I appeased the other person; from that moment, I become new and I don’t have any more a connection with the person who sinned or made a mistake or wounded or destroyed.  I don’t know who I was yesterday.  I don’t recognize who I was an hour ago.  I am born now.  Hi, everybody, mazal tov, a Jew has come into the world.

At the outset it’s a bit difficult to understand how this works.  It’s not really true that I was born today; I was born a long time ago, maybe a million years ago.  I’ve caused a lot of damage, I see it in front of my eyes.  I ate like an elephant- you can look at my weight.  It’s not connected to the past, it is now.  I caused pain to my children- you can see it now.  They run away from me.  They’re hurt.  They’re brazen.  I’m the one who did this!  I ignored my wife.  I caused her pain.  You can see how she is annoyed and pained.  The results of my actions are in front of me!  How can I feel as if now I am born and everything begins again?

The answer is faith.  Believe in the words of the Tsaddikim who say that this is the real truth.  Hashem renews the creation every day.  There is such a thing which is called ‘teshuvah’ in the world.  From the moment that you make teshuvah, you are completely made into a new person.  It’s not you who destroyed something, it’s somebody else.  You are new here in the world, and all you need to do is to look forward to what is next.

Try to enter this frame of mind.  You will not believe how much good you will reveal, in yourself and in your surroundings and in the whole world.  So much good and so much progress.

When you are over your weight and see again that the hand on the scale is over the limit, and it is you who because of a lack of boundaries brought yourself to these dimensions, what could give you comfort except for a warm pastry straight to the throat, or a killer day and a half diet which ends at the bakery?  When you stand in front of your child who is hurt because of you, how can you deal with the feeling of self-guilt which eats away at you?  Where can you escape to if not to despair or aggressiveness which comes from self-defense and extreme self-denial?  What will you answer to your wife after you disappointed her for the thousandth time?

However, if you are new and fresh, born today, then you are already not in a posture of self-defense and constriction because of guilt or anger about yourself.  You have become so clean that you have eyes which see the reality and not the past, and which can examine a situation in a focused way and see what your next step is.  What do we have here?  A child who is brazen to his parents.  Come child, let’s see you, what’s your name?  Ah, nice to meet you.  I’m your father.  Do you want to tell me what you’re going through?  Ah, your parents are terrible and threatening?  Oy, what did they do to you?  Really?  They have never loved you?  Oy!  That is so painful!!  Why did they do that to you?  You are such a cute kid… you don’t deserve it!

You see a hurt child, but the one who hurt him, is not you.  The one who hurt him died a long time ago.  Today you are new.  Today you are even the psychologist of the child.  Do you know those psychologists?  They blame the parents for everything.  Now you can also throw everything on to the parents.  It’s the ones from a long time ago.  It’s not you.  They are not blaming you!  You can hear everything about him from yesterday who hurt your child, be angry at him together with the child, understand the child and be with him completely.  You won’t feel guilty.  Today you are something different.

This is not just a figure of speech.  This is the most healing truth and the tremendous depth of the redemption; how every day anew, from amongst everything, in every matter, and from every downfall, you can lift up your eyes to the sky and begin again.

[1] Deuteronomy

[2] Rebbe Natan’s explanation of the Code of Jewish law, based upon the teachings of Rebbe Nachman

[3] The first word of the book of Genesis

[4] repentance

To Return Home Wealthy

Tell me, when was the last time you felt that you are a treasure, that you are a precious Jew and beloved and likeable and pleasant?  When was the last time you felt that you are important, that you are like the only son of a loving and great king who looks at you twenty four hours a day with deep wonderment from all of your movements and is just waiting to hear what’s in your mouth?

Harav Israel Asulin

Tuesday, 10th of Elul, 5775

BS”D

Shalom beloved Jew, how are you?  Can we have a face to face discussion for a moment?

Tell me, when was the last time you felt that you are a treasure, that you are a precious Jew and beloved and likeable and pleasant?  When was the last time you felt that you are important, that you are like the only son of a loving and great king who looks at you twenty four hours a day with deep wonderment from all of your movements and is just waiting to hear what’s in your mouth?  When did you feel that you are full of strength and desires and hope and trust and growth and renewal, and that you are surrounded with all of the help that you need in order to realize all of your dreams?

Do you even recognize that feeling, that you are meaningful and great, that the whole world was created for you and that every thing that you go through is precious without measure?  Do you long for this love?  Do you long to feel yourself alive, and light up with desire?  Do you want to return to these treasures which have been lost?

This week’s Torah portion speaks about the matter of returning a lost object: “You shall not see the ox of your brother or his sheep or goat cast off, and hide yourself from them; you shall surely return them to your brother.  If your brother is not near you and you do not know him, then gather it inside your house, and it shall remain with you until your brother inquires after it, and you return it to him.” (Devarim[1], Chapter 22, Verses 1-2)

The Torah has a commandment which is called ‘returning a lost object’- a Jew who finds the lost object of another, whether the owner is a relative or not or whether he knows him or not, he is obligated to take care of the lost object and to return it to its owner.

Rebbe Nachman, in Likutei Moharan[2], and Rebbe Natan in Likutei Halachot[3] on the laws of lost and found objects, relate to these verses and speak about lost items which are not an ox or a lamb, rather they speak about the mitzvah of returning something which was lost which is the deepest thing in the world.

Rebbe Nachman says in Likutei Moharan, Torah 188, “Before a person enters this world they teach him and show him everything he needs to do and obtain in this world.  However, when he enters this world immediately it is all forgotten from him… and forgetting is the aspect of losing something, just as the Sages of blessed memory called a person who forgets ‘one who has lost something’… and a person needs to go back and request what he has lost.”

Every Jew is a treasure.  We were born like a walking diamond exchange.  However, very quickly we find ourselves like paupers- in the good case, and like beggars in the worst case.

Where are all the diamonds?  They got lost.

What do we do in this case?  In truth, nothing.

Imagine that you lost a million dollars.  Are you able to imagine something like this?  A brown envelope stuffed with cash which contains all of your wealth in this world.  You still have not managed to use it to realize your dreams and it gets lost.  Maybe it was thrown by mistake into the garbage or maybe it was stolen by some brazen guy with no heart.

Tell me, what would you do?  Or first of all tell me, what would you not do?

You would not go to a new restaurant that opened near your house.  You would not go to sleep or listen to music or see movies or buy two at the price of one… you would call the whole country to your aid, including the minister of transportation and the minister of trade and even the prime minister.  You lost a million dollars!!  It’s not funny!!  It’s a lot of money and it’s all you have!!  You can’t forego this treasure!  Please save me!!!  A million dollars!!!

Look at us, we’ve lost much more than a million dollars, great treasures, diamonds which have no replacement; we have lost ourselves.  We have lost everything we were born to be.  We have lost faith in ourselves and how much we are worth.  We have lost our will to be ourselves and not somebody else.  We have lost love, happiness, courage, hope and our hearts.

We continue to live as if everything is normal.  We go to work, come home from work.  We eat, buy, cook the tastiest food, hear music, and get annoyed with the neighbors or with our spouse or with our children.  We speak on the phone.  Perhaps we learn Torah and fulfill the mitzvahs.  We go to sleep, wake up in the morning, force a smile and drag ourselves out the door.

How do we not stop everything and scream to the whole world to help us in our search?  How are we so indifferent and disconnected?  We lost a million dollars, and another million, and tens of thousands of more millions!!  There is no replacement copy.  We have to find what we lost- or we will perish!

We lost treasures and we don’t even know it.  We are sleeping a deep sleep of concealment inside of concealment, while our treasures are so far away.

However, actually, even if we will wake up to remove the concealment and realize all we have lost, where will we turn to and how do we search for such an abstract treasure?  Who do we call and what do we say?  ‘Hello, is the lost and found department?  I lost my will which is the color blue with blue hoops that are worth gold, maybe by chance you have it?… I lost my joy with a smile which comes from my heart and reaches the eyes of the person who is opposite me… I lost trust, I lost faith, I lost innocence and hope and closeness… do you hear me there?  I lost love, I don’t know how she looks because it’s been a long time, when I was still small, and maybe by chance she has a name tag?’

That’s it.  It is not as complicated as we imagine.  There is a simple and amazing address!

“His lost item is with the Tsaddik, because the Tsaddik searches for his lost object until he finds it, and after he finds it, he searches and seeks for the lost items of others until he finds them, until he finds all of the lost objects of the world.  Therefore, a person needs to go to the Tsaddik and request and recognize his lost item, and to receive it from him…” (Likutei Moharan, Torah 188)

Rebbe Nachman reveals to us that there is such a thing, returning lost spiritual treasures.  There is a department like this.  There is a Tsaddik like this, a Tsaddik who is the foundation of the world whose main activity is bringing the souls of the Jewish people closer to their father in Heaven.  A Tsaddik who finds for us all of the lost treasures and guards them for us.  “He wants to at every moment return all of them to their owners immediately.  However, as long as they are far from him, he is forced to keep them by him…” (Likutei Halachot, Lost and Found items, 3^rd halacha)

All you need is to wake up and realize what you have lost, travel to Rebbe Nachman, to the lost and found department, to ask the Tsaddik to give you instructions to find the treasure and to return home wealthy.

There is such a thing.  Ask someone who knows about it.

[1] Deuteronomy

[2] The main collection of Rebbe Nachman’s teachings

[3] Rebbe Natan’s explanations of Jewish law, based upon the teachings of Rebbe Nachman

A Calming Judgment

How can someone be fond of judgement and laws?  Judgment is scary.  Judgment is bad.  Judgment is guilt.  Judgment is a prosecutor and a defense attorney and judges and hammers and shameful punishments.  Judgment is something very stressful and frightening!  Can there really be something in the world called ‘a calming judgment’??

Harav Israel Asulin

Tuesday, 3^rd of Elul, 5775

BS”D

If the words ‘judgment’ or ‘sentence’ awaken in somebody soft feelings of fondness and longing, or seem to someone as something good, positive, beloved, pleasant and nice- let him stand up!

None.

How can someone be fond of judgement and laws?

Judgment is scary.  Judgment is bad.  Judgment is guilt.  Judgment is a prosecutor and a defense attorney and judges and hammers and shameful punishments.

Judgment is something very stressful and frightening!

Can there really be something in the world called ‘a calming judgment’??

“Judges and officers shall you appoint in all your cities… and they shall judge the people with righteous judgment… so that you will live…” (Devarim[1], Chapter 16, Verses 18-20)  This week’s Torah portion opens with the command to appoint in every city a judge, whose role was to uphold the religious laws and judge between people.  If the people would fulfill the command of righteous judgment, the Torah promises, the Jewish people would merit life and blessing.

Why does righteous judgment guarantee good life?

The Midrash explains:  “Where there is judgment- there is no judgment, and where there is no judgment- there is judgment.  What does this mean?  Rebbe Eliezer said: If the judgment is carried out below- then the judgment is not carried out above, and if it is not carried out below- it is carried out above.” (Midrash Raba, Devarim, 5^th Parsha, 5^th Paragraph)

Rebbe Nachman of Breslov takes this teaching, which deals with public judgments, and compares it to the personal judgment which a person needs to carry out with himself: “Judgment means that a person judges himself regarding everything he does, before he is judged from above.  By way of his judging himself he is saved from judgment from on high, because when the judgment is carried out below, there is no judgment from above…” (Likutei Moharan[2], Torah 154) Rebbe Nachman reveals to us that this is advice how to be saved from heavenly judgments- if you will judge yourself, here below, then you will be saved from judgments from above.

Great, the second part sounds promising, to be saved from heavenly judgments, we all agree… but regarding the first part- to judge myself?!  Judge myself?  Sentence myself? Criticize myself?

Okay, if you say this needs to be done- and furthermore it’s the month of Elul now and the Day of Judgment is approaching, and I’m searching for refuge and sweetening of the judgments- then maybe I’ll do it.  However, you should know that I don’t want to!  You should know that the child inside of me is going crazy on the floor and kicking the walls saying ‘I don’t want to”.  I don’t want to!  I don’t want to!! Don’t want!!  I don’t want to judge myself and don’t judge me!  Don’t tell me where I made a mistake and don’t tell me what I need to correct!  Enough, I didn’t do anything!  Leave me alone!!

We have inside of us hysterical opposition to anything that smells like criticism or judgment.  We need to understand, why?  What happens to us when we face criticism, does this have to happen, and is there such a thing as a sweet judgment?

Why are we afraid of judgment and why do we refuse to look at the bad and where we made mistakes?

Because we are certain that that is who we are, the bad, and that that is us ourselves, the mistake.  The bad things we did appear to us as our identity.  We are so sure that we are not good at the source, to the point that if we’ll receive criticism and if we admit that we made a mistake or sinned, it will be like we are signing the sentence that erases our existence.  It’s true, we are defected.  We don’t even exist.  We don’t have the right to live.  We don’t have the right to open our eyes in the morning.  We don’t have the right to receive anything.  We are something dirty and spoiled.  To the garbage and that’s all…

This is our feeling when we face criticism, because of so much exile.

The beginning of the redemption is to learn anew, from the Tsaddikim, what is judgment and how do we carry out judgments.

To make a judgment here in this world is first of all, to internalize that I am essentially good.  I am a pure soul.  I am sweet and precious and separate from the bad.  The bad is not me; it’s just like a piece of clothing which has been put on me.  If I’ve sinned, it’s not me who is lacking, rather my actions.  If I make a mistake, it does not erase my existence!  I remain eternally good!!

After I have made this distinction between myself (the good) and the (smelly) clothing that is covering me, I can progress to the next stage of the judgment- to enter a room, close the door, and sit with myself to take an accounting of my soul.  To look at reality in the eyes without blinking, and check carefully where the mistake is and what can be fixed.  Let’s see, what’s this dirty shirt?  That’s not fitting for me!  I’m so beautiful and pure!  This dirt is not fitting for me!  Let’s see how to make teshuva[3], how can I throw out this shirt and exchange it for another, clean one.

I know and feel in the clearest possible way- it’s not me!  It’s not me they are throwing into the garbage!  It’s not me they are disqualifying in the judgment!  I am revealed through the judgment, my true self who is under the garbage…

Then I’ll also merit to be saved from the judgment from above.

What is a judgment from above?

When a judgment is made in heaven, the goal is the same goal- to reveal to you that you are good and to push away the bad that has stuck to you.  If you hold on to the bad and are certain that it’s you, then it hurts.  It’s like a surgery.  They are trying to take away from you a disgusting shirt which is clinging to you, and you feel like they’re cutting your limbs and sawing into you!

When you judge yourself for yourself, when you differentiate between yourself and the bad and let go of the grip, it already doesn’t hurt.  It’s not an amputation.  It’s simple and calming like changing a dirty shirt for a clean one.

Understand?  Judgment, and it’s not a scary judge with hammers and punishments and a garbage that I’m thrown into like a rotten fruit… judgment is an amazing opportunity for cleansing.  To be freed of all the discomforts, to be separated from all the choking shirts, and move forward to my true place and to grow.

So, who’s afraid of judgment?  Let him stand up!

[1] Deuteronomy

[2] The main collection of Rebbe Nachman’s teachings

[3] Repentance

I have a problem; I need to help

How does this statement sound to you- I have a problem; I need to help…?  A mess of words!?  A default in the brain!?  A lack of logic!?  That’s understandable.  Nevertheless, it’s not correct.  There is no mistake here; there is a secret here…

Harav Israel Asulin

Wednesday, 27^th of Av, 5775

BS”D

How does this statement sound to you- I have a problem, I need to help…?  A mess of words!?  A default in the brain!?  A lack of logic!?  Do you want to press delete on the last word in the sentence and write instead: “I have a problem; I need help!?”

That’s understandable.  Nevertheless, it’s not correct.  There is no mistake here; there is a secret here.

It is a secret which is called “I have a problem; I need to help…”

In this week’s Torah portion it is said about the mitzvah of tzedakah[1]: “You shall surely give him, and let your heart not feel bad when you give him, for in return for this matter, Hashem your God, will bless you in all your deeds and in your every undertaking.” (Devarim[2] Chapter 15, Verse 10)  The holy Torah reveals to us that in contrast to how we understand it sometimes, to give is not to lose.  To give is to receive a free entrance card to the department of blessings, successes and salvations.

Rebbe Nachman says that giving is the key which opens all the closed gates and expands all of the narrow crossings.  It is like a wondrous formula the paves the path to the light: “Tzedakah expands all the entrances of holiness.  When a person enters into a path of serving Hashem he needs to open there an opening in order to enter that path, and because of this all beginnings are difficult.  Through tzedakah a person expands the opening, because tzedakah expands and opens greatly all of the openings of holiness.” (Likutei Eitzot[3], Tzedakah)

Think about how amazing this is, and it is especially amazing when we contemplate the field of healing the soul.  Just as anyone who recognizes the difficulties and pain in his soul knows- nobody can save himself.  We can and are obligated to make an effort, but there is still no professional formula that heals the soul.

A person can try for years upon years to go in a certain path, to make progress in a certain area, to push forward towards the holiness’ to search for love, good, trust, will and peace, to deeply desire tasting the taste of healing.  However, everything is stuck, exhausted, clogged and sealed.  There are iron gates and steel latches.

What is the advice of the Torah against this closed screen?  To give.

You cannot save yourself, but you can really save another person!

Are stuck on the path? You need to give.

You have a problem?  Then you need to give!

You feel pain?  Come and see what is hurting your brother… leave yourself for a moment.  Stop protecting yourself as if you were in mortal danger.  Give boundaries in a gentle and decisive way to the small and hurt child inside of you, who only wants to be seen and understood and receive mercy and compassion and be loved and honored… and choose for yourself one person- it’s desirable that it be your spouse- to dedicate yourself completely to them.  Put him/her at the top of your priorities- and give!

Why?  What is the connection?  How is my difficulty to wean myself from my addiction to sweets, for example, connected to giving?  Why should giving open for me the gates of dieting and to be satisfied with lettuce instead of ice cream?  Why is it that when I begin to give I move from the department of almost dying to the department of healing?

That’s the way it is.  It’s like a tactic.  This is the data that Hashem inserted into the operating system of a Jew.  You will give and automatically all of the locked gates will be removed from before you in the aspect of “Raise up your gates”[4]… that is the way it is in every area, and especially when dealing with the soul.  The Tsaddikim say that there is no such thing as an emotional problem.  Rather there is something hiding the soul.

What does this mean?

Each and every one of us has an amazing soul which is carved from on high and it has in it all of the good.  All of the light that was inside of you when you were a child and you knew to love with all your soul, and to bounce with laughter from nothing, and to enjoy every floating butterfly, and to cry when it hurt, and to believe, and be happy, and to truly live with all of your energy and strength… all of the light that was there still exists, but it is hidden.

Layers and layers of pain and distance from Hashem are hiding from you your own self, and are causing your soul to appear dirty and sick, addicted, self-centered, depressed, worried, angry and abandoned.

They took from you, betrayed you, laughed at you, belittled you, acted like strangers, threatened you, abandoned you and demanded from you to be a man (at age 5).  You had to adapt yourself to expectations, wipe away the tears and by way of this stop living… life with its many crises buried you to the depths.  They buried the light and froze the love, extinguished will and choked happiness…

However, beyond all of the coverings and concealments, the soul remains the same amazing and gentle one that was brought down from the thrown of glory.  Healing means to peel away what is covering the soul and return to being.

How do we peel away the layers?  With a peeler?  On the fire?  By hand?  With a technological instrument?

There is no way to peel away the layers.  You can go to a professional, speak about yourself and your childhood, learn the skills of coping, and maybe wean yourself from an addiction.  However, yourself, your fire, your soul, where are you?  How do you reach yourself?  How do you break through the concealment?

Hashem put the concealments there and only he, when he wills it, will remove them.  This will happen only when it is clear to you that you are a giver!

If you have at least one person that you dedicate yourself to their healing- then also Hashem, as it were, will dedicate himself to your healing.  He will put aside all of the considerations, the judgements and your debts, and look at you with good and loving eyes, and he will remove from you layer after layer and allow you to be revealed.

[1] Charity

[2] Deuteronomy

[3] Practical teachings of advice taken from Rebbe Nachman’s teachings, complied by Rebbe Natan, Rebbe Nachman’s main disciple

[4] Psalms Chapter 24, verse 7

To Be In Truth

You can spend entire days choosing menus and tasting them, one after the other and it does not matter in which order… You can spend your entire life on a journey tasting different cuisines, and not even comprehend.

Harav Israel Asulin

Monday, 18^th of Av, 5775

BS”D

You can spend days choosing menus and tasting them, one after the other and it does not matter in which order… You can spend your entire life on a journey tasting different cuisines, and not even comprehend.

Comprehend what?

Not comprehend that you are not living because you are far from the truth.

“Lest you eat…and forget the Lord your G-d…” (Devarim[1] Chapter 8, Verse 12-14) In this week’s Torah portion there are a lot of references and warnings regarding the subject of eating. Rebbe Nachman says in Likutei Moharan[2], Torah 47: “Someone who is immersed in overeating, it is known that he is far from the truth…”

It is simple and clear, says Rebbe Nachman, if you are immersed there then it is known and clear and understood completely that you are far from the truth.

Why? What is so clear here? What, you can’t be in truth and into food? Why does one have to come on the account of the other?

Our teacher Rebbe Nachman, the artist of the soul, knows. Already, two hundred years ago, during a time when there was not yet rehabilitation centers for addictions or hospital departments, the size of small villages, for treating eating disorders. He saw us on an escape journey from ourselves. He foresaw us running from the coffee shop to the steak house, opening the fridge and the food pantry every two minutes to see what is new… eating with our eyes closed, sweet and salty and sour and spicy, hot and cold, wet and dry. The main thing is to snack. Escaping, run amok, into food. Addicted, immersed, and drowning in food.

In this generation, there is almost no one who can flee from the addiction to food. It appears in everyone to one extent or another.

Why are we constantly running to the food?

Because we are sick, and most of all- we are afraid to feel. In food there is something very rewarding. It distracts us from anything that is annoying. It is pleasant, tasty, gives you a break from life and you can find it with the best kosher certification.

Even in the act of chewing, even if we would chew rocks, we would have a lot of emotional ‘gains’. It is possible to release tension and nerves by chewing, to grind very finely between the teeth a cracker with no salt, until I’ll forget that I was annoyed and even who I was in general… all the more so when we put into our mouth something that is not rocks… something sweet gives us the feeling of comfort and love. In something picante, including all of the types of salty and very hot foods, there is a lot of excitement. Warm food is something so nice and soft, it gives you a hug, and it fulfills you, and allows you to feel like you are wrapped in a comfortable blanket in the heart of the wilderness.

Of course, when the eating is proportional, when you are not “sunken in the desire for food”, when you take care of your body and your soul’s nutrition with clear boundaries, when you are in control of the food and he is not in control of you, then it is completely fine. It is permitted for you to eat and even a mitzvah.

However, if you are immersed in it- you lose all of your existence! If you escape from your feelings and from your struggle with anger or with pain, with the emptiness or with your spouse, and run to the food, then it’s as if you are erased. There was a feeling which tried to come to the surface in order to receive treatment, and instead of giving it attention you drowned it in a tray of pizza with tomato sauce.

Isn’t it a shame? Isn’t it a waste for you?

Who will take care of the child[3] that you were, if every time that he tries to lift his head you place upon him a dish of delicious danishes?

Who will bring alive the relationship with your spouse that you can awaken, if every time a window is opened for you to correct something in your connection you close it with a piece of chocolate filled with nougat cream and cream puffs?

Even if you fulfill with great beauty all of the 613 mitzvahs, how can it be said about you that you are close to the truth when all you do is run away from any piece of truth which threatens to appear in your path? How can it be said about you that you are truthful and in the truth, if you are not present in any place, and when you are not eating you feel dead??

What do we do? How can we be weaned? The food is tasty and the truth is much bitterer. Where do we run to?

That’s it, we don’t escape. We stay where we are. We receive upon ourselves clear boundaries. We stop escaping to the food and stay where we are. We stay in the pain. We stay in the fear. We stay in the boredom. We stay with the communication difficulties. We remain.

However, you are not alone.

You are not alone in this battle. Our Torah is the Torah of life, and nobody is telling you- stop running away and stay shivering on a flimsy board in the heart of a stormy sea. Nobody is leaving you to be devoured by yourself with no relief against all the truths of your life. You have three anchors that are waiting for you: the Tsaddik, a friend and personal prayer.

The first thing that you need to do when you decide to wean yourself is to connect yourself strongly to the teachings of the Tsaddik. Read the words of Rebbe Nachman, even without understanding, although it is preferable to understand, but the main thing is to read and connect yourself to the Tsaddik.

The second anchor is to find a good friend in order to speak with him truthfully about what you are going through; about your difficulty with the food- you want to eat so badly! What is the connection to dieting?? Just today your wife prepared for you a ten story cake with frosting. Talk to him about the difficulty that the absence of the food causes you, and slowly you will meet the truth; the pain, the distance, the emptiness, the small child you once were, how you felt lonely all those years, the fears that you pushed away, and the pangs of conscience that arise. Don’t be alone with this pain; find an address to speak about what you are going through. Whether it’s a good friend, or your wife, or paying someone with a good heart to listen to you.

Personal prayer- Hashem never leaves you, he is always with you. He is just waiting for you to come to him and to tell him about yourself, simply, in your words: “Father, you know, I started working on my desire to overeat…”

[1] Deuteronomy

[2] The main collection of Rebbe Nachman’s teachings

[3] A reference to our emotional world inside

The Way Home

Just like it is impossible to harvest a hazelnut before it has gone through twenty-one days of ripening, so to it is impossible to reach the redemption without being in distress. In order to obtain something good- you need to go through a painful journey. First you need to mourn every aspect, there needs to be sadness and pain and destruction.

Harav Israel Asulin

Tuesday, 5^th of Av, 5775

It is possible to find a lot of comparisons for the twenty-one days between the 17^th of Tammuz and the 9^th of Av (Tisha B’Av). Throughout history, many terrible and bitter events happened to the Jews during these days, on a national level and on a personal level. These are dark and melancholy days; days of mourning and destruction, days of calamity and blood. Days where demons are given strength and according to Halacha one needs to be very careful during this time to guard oneself from misery and damage.

However, when Rebbe Nachman speaks about these twenty-one days (Likutei Moharan Tanina, Torah 85), he doesn’t compare them to blood or destruction or annihilation. From all of the things in the world, Rebbe Nachman chooses to compare these days to nuts and to eggs.

Just as during these three weeks, we have twenty-one days, so to says Rebbe Nachman are the amount of days it takes for the hazelnut to ripen and for the egg inside a hen to mature.

In other words, twenty-one days are the time it takes for something to ripen and mature. It is the time in which hazelnuts ripen and eggs mature, and apparently something else comes to fruition during these three weeks. What is this thing that comes to fruition at the end of the twenty-one days of mourning?

Consolation.

The mourning during the three weeks becomes stronger and intensifies during the nine days, and becomes more stringent during the week in which Tisha B’Av falls, and comes to its climax on Tisha B’Av. Then the screen changes and the melody is of ‘be comforted, be comforted, my people’[1] and of closeness and amazing love of Hashem that envelopes us during the seven weeks of consolation.

How does this happen? How does comfort replace the mourning, and even more so when the mourning is at its’ peak? What is the connection between the hazelnuts and the eggs and these days of mourning? Is it just a matter of counting the days or are there additional meanings we can find?

The answer is that there is very great fundamental point that Rebbe Nachman teaches us in a five word headline: “Through Luz (לוז) we enter Bet El.”

The simple meaning is that ‘Bet El’ was a city from the time of Yehoshua[2], which was surrounded by a wall and the only entrance into it was hidden inside the trunk of an enormous nut tree.

However, in the deeper understanding, Bet El was not a city; rather it is the dwelling place of the Divine presence. It is the Holy Temple and it is my private home. If we merit, the Divine presence dwells amongst us. In my heart- if I will make for the Divine presence a tabernacle, it will dwell inside of me.

Rebbe Nachman asks- You feel destruction? You feel distant from holiness? You’re standing in front of the great wall and can’t find the opening and there is no gate to reach Bet El? You really want to find Hashem in your life, with your spouse, in your parenthood? You are longing for the great and holy house of Hashem? You yearn for the private temple inside of you, your holy of holies? Do you want me to reveal to you the path to enter Bet El?

Listen to me well- “Through Luz you will enter Bet El.”

As mentioned earlier, the hazelnut (luz) is the type of nut whose time to ripen is twenty-one days. However, the word’ luz’ has an additional meaning- in every person there is a bone called the ‘essential bone (etzem ha’luz) .’[3] “This is the essential bone which is in a person’s back, which will remain after the body decays, and from it the body will be rebuilt at the time of the resurrection of the dead; and this is our main comfort…” (Likutei Moharan Tanina, Torah 85) The ‘essential bone’ is the only bone which remains after the body decays in the grave, and from it the body will be rebuilt at the time of the resurrection of the dead. That is to say this is actually our hope for resurrection and life.

On the other hand, the placement of the essential bone is in our back, and the back represents hiddenness and distance, just like the meaning of the phrase ‘turning your back.’ Furthermore, עורף (back) if the letters are changed around becomes פרעה (Pharoah), who represents the difficulty of the exile and the distress of slavery.

We find therefore that the word ‘luz’ has two sides to it, exile or comfort, hiddenness or redemption. That is exactly the meaning of the eggs which grow inside the chicken for twenty-one days.

Rebbe Natan explains that a kosher egg has two sides, one side is like a jug- rounded, and the other side is sharpened. Rebbe Natan says: “A jug- this eludes to mourning and sorrow, the aspect of the cycle of life, and for this reason we eat eggs and lentils at the time of mourning…” The circular shape tells us of the cycle of life, about the fact that life progresses to the end. Therefore an egg is the food of mourners and therefore we also have the custom of eating an egg at the final meal before Tisha B’Av.

In contrast, Rebbe Natan continues: “Sharpness- this is the aspect of boldness and happiness, the aspect of making the mouth like a sharp sword, the opposite of a mourner who doesn’t have a mouth. This hints to the resurrection and the days of redemption, when the children of Israel will stand sharp and strong.” If so, like the hazelnut so to the egg, its’ meaning is sorrow and also happiness, mourning with resurrection and redemption.

“This teaches a person that it’s impossible for any person to have good hope without sorrow and difficulties and tremendous bitterness, which is the aspect of our mourning and sorrow over the destruction of the Holy Temple… as our Sages of blessed memory said ‘He who mourns for Jerusalem will merit it see its’ joy…’, and this is true for every person and in every time regarding his exile and pain and the difficulties he goes through.” (Likutei Halachot, Laws of Eggs, Halachah 5)

Just as it is impossible to build a building before digging deep for the foundation, just as it is impossible to plant a tree before it rots deep within the sand, just as it is impossible to eat a nut before it ripens for three weeks- so to it is impossible to get to the redemption before being in distress and watering the ground with our tears.

Why?

There is a law in creation, that in order to get to the good and the hope, one needs to go through a path of bitterness and hiddenness. Just like the thesis which states ‘necessity is the mother of invention’- if we don’t need something, if it is not difficult for us, or if it is not painful, than why would we search for the good? Why would we want to change? Why would we want to move from our place and begin to move upward?

The pain is our fuel, it is the power that motivates us and causes all good things to grow.

On the way to ‘Bet El’ and during ‘the three weeks’, when you get stuck amongst the bumps and the nuts, you should understand that they are only labor pains. This is the path. First you need to mourn every aspect. There needs to be sadness and pain and destruction. We need these three weeks, by way of ‘Luz’ with tribulations, in order to arrive at the consolation that awaits us at the peak of the three weeks.

May it be that very soon we will be enveloped in the hug of “rejoice with her a rejoicing, all who mourn over her…” (Yeshayahu[4] Chapter 66, Verse 10).

[1] During the Shabbat following the fast of Tishah B’Av, the passage “Nachamu” (Yeshayahu 40:1) is read for the Haftorah

[2] Joshua

[3] עצם הלוז Some opinions say it is the top of the spine, others say it is the tailbone

[4] Isaiah